Monday, Monday

I love Mondays. I figured out this year that students who came for lessons on Monday mornings are generally less prepared and focused than those who come at other times of the week. Most kids struggle to practice over the weekend, and coming for a lesson after two days of non-practice yields a mediocre lesson. So I don't schedule students on Monday mornings, which gives me a great morning for a killer workout, time to shower and dress and clean house (which isn't usually that much after the weekend) and run any other errands I need to do. It also frees me up to enjoy lunch, and today I get to have lunch with two of my favorite friends from high school... Karen and Travis. One thing I know for sure today... I'm going to be laughing a lot.

I will have a few lessons this afternoon -- just enough to ease into the week. And then tonight I have youth orchestra rehearsal. Most Monday evenings I love doing this. It's a great group of kids, generally willing to work hard, and generally having a good attitude about it. We have six rehearsals left before our concerts, and I feel good about the progress they have made. I still have moments, though, when I wonder what on earth is so inherently difficult about counting while playing.... This picture was taken at one of our very first rehearsals held in the living room of my parents' guest house, before we found a permanent rehearsal place and home at the Joplin Performing Arts Center.


I also found out this morning that I have been invited to teach at a summer music festival down in Arkansas. That's so exciting for me. For all the routine, weekly teaching I do week-in-week-out, this will be really fun to see some new students and find out what I can do inside of one week to really impact their playing. I think my goal with each student I teach will be to give them one new idea, and to give them a great time. My summer music experiences as a kid were the things that gave me that shot in the arm to not only keep me going, but give me a fresh vision for myself. I don't think kids can get too much of that kind of thing. Kids need challenge, variety, someone who says, "Here, try this really hard, really cool thing that you might think you can't do... but you can." I'm hoping to be able to afford to take Lydia to the Suzuki Institute in Ottawa this summer. She's studying Suzuki violin with a former/current student of mine (who is really wonderful), and works so diligently that I know Institute would completely inspire her. Who knows, maybe I'll even try to take Michael with me.

Ok, I'm off to start/continue my day. Mondays are great. Now Tuesdays... ugh. ;)

Rocking Mozart... or the Attempt Thereof

On Sunday, Feb. 15th I accomplished one of my life goals... one of my "bucket list" items, if you will. I played a full concerto with an orchestra as the featured soloist in a concert with the Ozark Festival Orchestra, in Monett, MO. The concerto was one I've known for years, since I was a kid, really, but desired to bring it to a new level. I anticipated this concert for about a year and a half, planning at first for a different concerto, but ultimately deciding on the Mozart Concerto No. 5 in A Major. I love Mozart, and I love this concerto, so it was a joy to prepare. It's a brilliant, elegant, joyful, dramatic work. I had so much fun. Here's a picture of little Genevieve, my young student who came to the concert and brought me this pretty rose.


Now that I've done it, I hope to have many more opportunities to perform, although I know that orchestral soloing doesn't often come to single-mom-of-4/violin-teachers. I may have to work at promoting myself a little better to get the chance to do it again.

However, I walked through that door to find another door open today. I got a call from a girl who is planning her senior piano recital at the local university. She was looking for a violinist to play with her on a couple of piano trios and the violin professor at the university had referred her to me. She brought the music over today, and it's Piazzolla! A little edgy, exciting, emotive... I can hardly wait! It should be fun, and is yet another performing opportunity for me. I just want to keep stretching and growing in my own playing as I work to help my kids stretch and grow.

Lyd's Glasses

Lydia got her glasses today! She was so excited. It's been so fun to listen to her see the world for the first time in who-knows-how-long. She could read every sign, noticed every detail. And she looks dang cute doing it.

A Week of Music and Valentines

This is going to be an out-of-the-ordinary week for me. I'm starting it off in Fort Smith, Arkansas, where I play with the Fort Smith Symphony. Playing with the Symphony is not really unusual, it's the fact that this concert is actually a concert series that we play during the week called Earquake. Hundreds of 5th and 6th grade students are going to be bussed in to see the Symphony over the next two days, first in Fort Smith, then in Bentonville on Tuesday. There will be four concerts all together. The music is fun... exciting to listen to, as well as to play. Big blockbuster orchestra pieces are featured, such as John Williams March from Raiders of the Lost Ark, as well as the William Tell Overture (aka the Lone Ranger Theme). One unusual piece on this concert is a piece by a featured composer entitled Vox Humana. It includes out-of-the-ordinary musical and non-musical elements, and finishes with a 3-minute segment with a taped recording of cat, lion, and tiger sounds, as well as instructions to the orchestra for some people to stop playing and start talking on their cell phones while wandering around the stage. Meanwhile, the lights are dimmed, and neon light sticks are passed around the audience and onstage. The whole effect is eerie, unsettling, and completely bewildering for most of the members of the orchestra. But it is fun.

After all the Earquake excitement is over on Tuesday, I'll then travel to Monett, Missouri to rehearse the Mozart Concerto in A Major with the Ozark Festival Orchestra for a concert to be held next Sunday, February 15. I am the featured soloist on the program. This is a big deal for me. Even though the orchestra is small in size, and mostly amateur in playing ability, this is the first time I will have played a concerto accompanied by orchestra. I have wanted to do something like this for many years, but have never had the opportunity until now. It makes me very nervous, and since I have a propensity for stage fright, I am anxious about my ability to handle the effects of performance anxiety that I have struggled with when performing for as long as I can remember. I think the rehearsal Tuesday night will help me shake off the biggest bunch of the nerves (I hope), and then another dress rehearsal on Saturday should help me feel at ease. If all else fails, I have some medicine I was able to get to help with my heart palpitations and shaky hands. I have performed while using it a few times, and I feel confident it will help me handle the surge of adrenaline that always seems to come when I perform as a soloist.

I am taking the entire week off to prepare, even though I have been practicing and preparing for this for many months. I hope I will be able to focus, make good use of my time, and perform with confidence and poise. I bought a beautiful formal dress... a floor-length black skirt and a wine-colored satin-like blouse that will be elegant and appropriate for a concert held the day after Valentine's Day. I am getting my hair done on Wednesday, and hope to put my best face forward for a beautiful rendition of one of my favorite Mozart concertos.

And in the middle of all this comes Valentine's Day. I have not often looked forward to Valentine's Day. Last year was dreadful, having just gone through a painful break-up. The one before that is not even memorable. I know I was married, but I'm guessing perhaps Chad was out of town, because I have no memory at all of our only Valentine's Day together. The year before that I believe I was in Utah, or about to be in Utah. Valentine's Day three years ago came just a few days before my divorce from Danny was final. Needless to say, it was probably the worst Valentine's Day I could have imagined. I don't remember a lot of other V-Days during my first marriage. I know there were cards, because Danny always remembered cards, and there were probably chocolates most of the time. The only gift I vividly remembering receiving was my first Valentine's Day with him. He gave me a marble rolling pin. To this day it makes me laugh, as well as wonder what possessed him to give a gift like that to his wife on our first Valentine's Day together. Over the years many suggestions have been made as to what I should have done with that rolling pin when I received it. HA!

This year, I have a sweetheart. We are both looking forward to celebrating the holiday together, and to thoroughly enjoying the fact that we have each other. Craig is a very good man. I am impressed by his love for family and home, as well as his steadfastness in the gospel and his righteous desires. I'm very happy that he is sharing this time of his life with me, and look forward to more time with him. So, I know it's a bit early, but I think this year I'll enjoy a whole week of Valentine's Day feelings and fun... Happy Valentine's Day!

Fun on Friday

Oh, I'm so happy it's Friday! Today has been pretty busy... makeup lessons and such... but usually I take Fridays off, have a long, leisurely yet intense workout, enjoy my morning, and take myself out for a quiet lunch at one of my favorite places. Most Fridays it's Panera Bread, where my favorite lunch is a cup of French Onion soup and a Fuji Apple Chicken Salad. It's just heaven. I love having a bit of alone time at the end of my week, which is usually a constant barrage of people... students, kids, church, orchestra. I love them all, but being able to recharge myself is so wonderful.

Sometimes people ask me what I do for fun. In most of my life there's not room for your typical "fun". I don't have time to relax in front of the tv, I don't go to movies, and rarely go out with friends. If I'm not teaching, I'm probably playing my violin, either practicing or performing, and beyond that, there's a life of kids, church, a home to care for, and all the dirty details of life that everyone has. It seems that fun has to be scheduled... and usually gets scheduled in pencil.

I do have fun sometimes, even to excess every once in a while. My most indulgent passion is skiing, and if I had unlimited funds, time, and access, I'd ski all winter long, every chance I'd get. I'm extremely sad that this winter will afford me none of those things. It is one of the most wonderful feelings in the world to ride a lift to the top of a mountain and to look back over your shoulder at the valley below. It's simply one of the most beautiful sights in the world, and then you get to ski down that gorgeous mountain, through the trees, over the slopes, across the runs on a snowy carpet.

My Fridays usually end with my kids. I'm watching their violin lessons right now. No, I don't teach my own kids, they have a great teacher who is NOT me. It's not that I'm not a great teacher, it's the fact that being teacher and mom at the same time does NOT work for us. We've tried. This is better. This is fun, watching someone else be the teacher, being patient and encouraging to my offspring. Lydia is so conscientious about her practicing and lessons. She can always be counted on to be prepared. David's practice is hit and miss. He needs a practice partner, and we're all so busy that we're just happy on the days he's in a good enough mood for a lesson. Michael practices sometimes, makes slow and steady progress, and he can be counted on to fall asleep under my chair during the other kids' lessons. In fact, that's where he is right now, enjoying a good, loud snooze. This is a happy place for me, because I can relax completely, spending some quality time with the coolest kids in the world.

Tonight we'll have pizza and a movie at home, and we'll be joined by Craig and his girls. Craig and I are dating. Someday when I feel like writing something funny and sad at the same time, I'll write about being divorced, single, and dating at age 34. It's been quite a journey over the last few years. I'm very happy where I am right now. It's not something I recommend to anyone, but I have sure learned a lot. I've learned to appreciate little things, and to not take for granted any single pleasant moment with my kids. I've learned that I don't have to be afraid of being alone, even if it's for a long time. I've also learned that I'd much rather have someone in my life than not. I've learned that I have some true friends, and they came from places I wouldn't have expected. I've learned that I'm beautiful, wonderful, funny, loving, loyal, and even exciting. I've learned that I'm worth it, whatever "it" is. I've learned that there's happiness to be had around every corner, if I am looking for it. And amazingly, I've even learned how to have fun.

It's Torture Day!

Every Thursday over 30 students and their parents and siblings come to my home in the afternoon for group violin classes arranged by playing level. The first week of each month focuses on technique through targeted and rigorous drills and exercises. What I call Technique Day has become known as "Torture Day" in the studio. Ok, I was the one who decided to call it "Torture Day", in order to bring fun and laughter to a day that really requires focus, endurance, and effort from the kids. This sign hangs in my studio:


One of my students gave me the sign as a gift around Halloween to hang up on "Torture Day", but the sign has become a permanent fixture in the studio. I often forget it's there until a new visitor comes to the house and comments on the true nature of what goes on in that room.

So today was Torture Day. The weather was beautiful, and after noticing how squirmy my first group of pre-Twinklers and Twinkle students turned out to be, I started the second group of students by marching them onto my front lawn, along with all parents and siblings in attendance to teach them the "Lightly Row" dance. I'm certain that marching, bending, and bowing while standing in a huge circle in my yard qualified as torture for most of them. The rest of the classes endured my idea of fun, singing and playing things that they'd just as soon leave long forgotten.

I love the whole concept of Torture Day, that through repetitious, focused, sometimes difficult actions, technical mastery can be achieved. In other words, there is purpose in PAIN... muahahaha (insert evil laugh and hand rubbing here). Don't I look diabolical?

Yesterday I went to my gym early in the morning to work out. It was a great morning for me. I met with my trainer, who took measurements for me. It was a good day for measurements, evidently, as my thighs were a full inch smaller than the measurements she took just 2 weeks ago, and as she said, my thighs were officially smaller than her own. That just made my day. Then she proceeded to torture me with a weight-training regimen that made me literally weak in the knees, followed by almost an hour of cardio training. Through repetitious, focused, and often difficult actions, I'm hoping to achieve physical mastery of my body. If only I wasn't so tortured by the temptation of chocolate.

Finally, a random note about something that made me laugh so hard I just have to write it down. I was teaching a violin lesson to Emma, age 7, today and we were working on a small part of a new song where one finger makes a diagonal movement across the strings. I was showing and explaining the movement, but Emma's face was not registering understanding of what I was saying. The conversation went like this....

Me: Emma, do you know what diagonal means?
Emma: No.
Me: It's when the finger moves like this (showing the movement), not straight across or up and down.
Emma: Oh, you mean it's OBLIQUE?

I just laughed my head off. Her mom confirmed that she had learned the meaning of oblique angles (they homeschool, and are a very bright family), so Emma understood and proceeded to move her finger in the correct direction. I love my kids... my students... they constantly amaze me.

For Musicians Only

I figured it was time to write about that part of my life that to some is magical and mysterious, to others is boring and dry, and to a few others is not only a way of life, but a part of their being and consciousness inseparable from their identity. That part of my life is... you guessed it... being a musician.

If you're bored by the first paragraph, you can stop reading. I have learned in my life that the way I talk about music can inspire those who care enough to listen, while simultaneously causing the non-musician's eyes to glaze over as drool seeps from the corner of their mouth. It's my passion, my career, my hobby, and I can't imagine my life without it. It defines me, it teaches me, it elevates me. Through music I have learned many of life's great lessons, and ironically, most of them are not about music. The reason I'm writing about this today is because this matters immensely to me, and if this blog serves as some record for posterity or otherwise, the reader will know me a little better.



A few weeks ago I was driving to rehearsal for the youth orchestra while listening to the radio. The announcer was talking about a classical pianist named Arturo Michelangeli and quoted him before playing one of his pieces. The quote grabbed my attention and I asked my son to write it down, I quickly committed it to memory so I could tell him the words to write. This was the quote:

"Being a pianist and a musician is not a career but a philosophy and a conception of life not based in good intentions or natural talent but first and foremost a spirit of sacrifice."

That was it. The reason I am passionate about music, about teaching, about this force that drives me. I have sacrificed to reach a level of expression, to be able to use an instrument to communicate what's inside me. It couldn't happen in a week, a year, or even a few years... it took my whole life of continual effort to develop this "conception of life".

Pretty deep, huh? Yeah, I thought so, too.

Here are some of the ways I apply this philosophy on a daily basis...

• I get down on the floor to trace around little feet so they can always go to the same place.
• I greet each student the same way for every lesson.
• I patiently and persistently make corrections in bow hold... again and again and again.
• I always ask about practicing habits, and continually ask students to report on their work.
• I assign chores to my children, and ask that they always be done before play.
• I say prayers with my children morning and night, without fail.
• I fold my towels the same way every time.
  
• I exercise every morning after putting my kids on the bus.
  
• I notice little improvements in every student, in every lesson, and let them know their work is acceptable.
• I smile at the parents who trust their children to me, and always let them know they are appreciated.
• I listen to "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star" for the 365,784th time and truly enjoy it, knowing it is part of a wonderful journey for this individual child.

Ok, I know some of those things don't seem to have anything to do with music, but that's the idea. The dedication and sacrifice that musicians get so much credit for is nothing more than a daily devotion to little rituals. Each and every day you have to do the same things to create habits that will shape you. It's easy to forget that something so small can be so important, especially when it's the same thing you did yesterday, and the day before, and the day before that. You have to step back far enough to see that those steps have brought you to a different place, that you're a new person, better, stronger, and smarter than you were before.

I'm done philosophizing. I'll go back to more trivial things tomorrow. Or is anything REALLY trivial? Hmmmm... ;)

Just a Bit Nearsighted

Mondays are always busy, even though I schedule in a few hours with no lessons. The time slips by, and often all I actually manage to get into those hours is getting showered, dressed, and ready for the rest of the day. There is the occasional Monday where I'm a bit more organized and productive, and I would say today qualifies as one of those days. I scheduled an eye exam for Lydia to get glasses... her first pair. She's at the age I was when I got glasses, and there's been an obvious need. I picked her up at school, took her to the eye doctor, and what we already knew to be true was confirmed. She is nearsighted. Quite. She tried on several cute pairs of glasses before settling on a rectangular-ish set of brown frames. I meant to take a picture of her in them for my blog, but we forgot, so now I'll have to wait til they actually come in, some 7-10 days from now. She's very excited, and it'll be so nice for her to be able to see the world.

I remember getting glasses when I was her age. All of a sudden, my world had detail and clarity. The trees had leaves, the blades of grass were visible, and I could see everything. The memory of putting those glasses on and driving home that day left an impression that I still remember.

I've thought about memories a lot lately. Memories from my childhood are random, and it's difficult for me to remember experiences with vivid detail. Yesterday I received a friend invitation on Facebook from the guy I took to my Senior Prom. I accepted, and within minutes we were chatting and reminiscing. He could remember how I asked him, apparently it was a creative invitation to Prom (he was from another school), but I had absolutely no memory of what I did. I've also reconnected with other people from High School recently and realized that I remember THEM, and the fact that they were part of my life, but I only have flashes of memory of the things we DID. Why can't I remember more?

So I told Randall (my prom date)... My best guess is that I had so much on my plate at that time of my life that creating long-term memory of those experiences was too much for my brain to handle. In a way, my mind was experiencing nearsightedness, not being able to see things very far off. To this day, I think I live near-sightedly. I don't hold on to my past very long, and I don't even bother thinking far into the future. I live very much in the moment, I do my best to savor it while I have it, because one day I probably won't remember it.

So what can I remember? Here's a short list of some of my most indelible memories, the ones that have withstood my nearsighted mind.

• Going to the hospital to see my new sister Cathy
• Running down our long lane when I was late for the bus, with everybody on the bus watching and waiting
• Getting my first pair of glasses
• Getting contacts, and taking an hour to get them in or out
• My first kiss - It was short, but seriously, does anyone forget that?
• My second kiss - much longer than the first one
• Getting my heart broken, more times than I can count... but I can remember every time
• The birth of my babies - the most memorable of my life's experiences, a memory that has faded, but I cling to as the defining moments of my life
• The conversation where I learned my marriage was ending
• Musical memories - performing, listening, sharing - and these are memories that just pile on top of each other, too many to list, and they truly never seem to fade.

I guess I do remember some things. I just wish I could remember more, and that it was all as clear as thinking about what I did today. I think my favorite part of the day was taking Lydia out to lunch after her appointment and sitting across from my beautiful daughter thinking about how much I love her and cherish every moment of her childhood. It's too bad you can't get glasses for your memories. At my age, though, I probably need bifocals.