After taking a week to rest (ha) and rejuvenate (sleep whenever possible), I'll jump back in to my regularly scheduled life next week. This week has actually been as full as any other with lessons, church activities, rehearsals, birthday parties, etc., but I've mentally just needed the feeling of taking a break. So I've been telling myself all week that I'll get back to business next week... early morning workouts, practicing for upcoming concerts, cleaning house (yeah, taking the week off from that will really bite me next week), along with all the stuff I didn't really take a break from this week.
Matthew turned 14 yesterday. And somehow I don't feel old... just amazed.
I'm trying out Twitter. If anyone can help me understand how and why this has become such a phenomenon, I'd be thrilled. To this point, I feel completely unconnected to this form of social networking.
That's all the random thinking I can handle today. I have a headache, I want this weekend to last forever, but life marches on. I'll write more when I feel better.
Friday, April 17, 2009
Monday, March 9, 2009
A Bird in the Chimney
I just heard a bird twittering away inside my chimney. That means several things to me... one is that either some poor bird has fallen to his eventual death inside my chimney, because there's no way out, OR it's just a chimney swallow that knows how to get in and out of vertical spaces like that. And if it's the latter, that means... It's SPRING!
I know by the calendar we haven't yet reached the Vernal Equinox or whatever signals the official start of this beautiful and much-awaited season, but since we were able to enjoy an early ushering-in of Daylight Savings time, it feels very Spring-like. The weather is warmer, and we're expecting a great big storm this evening, the kind that will likely spawn a few tornadoes, lots of wind and rain, and will make me happy to sit inside listening to the glorious sound of it all. I just love storms in the spring. Unlike storms in the fall, they usually bring a damp warmth to the earth that just beckons new growth. I can't wait to see the green, to feel myself coming alive along with the trees and grass and flowers. I think I was made for Spring. It's a time of year that awakens and inspires me to stretch and grow and become better than I was before. I feel motivated to WORK rather than to REST.
I hope this spring-inspired attitude is rubbing off on my children and my students. Perhaps their attitude is rubbing off on me. They've been pretty productive lately. Matthew has been relentless in his pursuit of MORE things to do. In addition to many music-related activities, he made a very compelling case for trying out for track at school. Sadly for him, it was just impossible to add daily practice and weekly track meets to our already full schedule of activities. He was devastated. He loves to take on things, and he also wants to spend more time with his friends than he usually does. He reminds me of me at his age. He'll be 14 next month, old enough for church dances, and is approaching his freshman year of high school next year, which means early morning Seminary. Yikes.
Lydia completed her Science Fair project last week comparing reactions of various acidic liquids with baking soda and baking powder. She had fun doing the experiments both at home and at the Science Fair. What amazes me the most about that girl is her ability to plan and be so organized in her work. She finished every step of the science fair process well in advance of deadlines, and with minimal input from me. As she put it, she doesn't like putting things off to cause her stress when they have to be done, so she gets them done early. Where did this child come from? She's certainly not following my procrastinating example. She's diligent in everything she does, from practicing her violin (without being asked) to cleaning her room (every day, and the pillows are arranged neatly on her made bed) to reading her scriptures (she wouldn't dare miss a day). On top of that, she's loving and cheerful and nearly perfectly obedient. If only she would stay just like she is now, age 10, and never approach teenagerhood.
We also had the Pinewood Derby the week before last for Michael. He did very well, but didn't place. He had made (with much help from Papa) his car to be shiny and silver, so he took home the award for "Shiniest Car". He was a great sport when taking his few losses, as well as his several wins. He's just a shiny, happy boy... when he's not whining. He loves Cub Scouts and received his Wolf badge at the Pinewood Derby. As his mother, I got pinned with the traditional mother's pin for scout advancements, but I have to admit that I did very little to help him. He was so motivated to complete all of his requirements, and simply didn't stop until he had finished. It makes a mom pretty proud to see her kids being driven by their own goals and desires.
Last week we also celebrated David's 6th birthday. Although his birthday was actually on Wednesday, we celebrated it on Friday with a party at home with our family and Craig and his kids. My parents were also supposed to come, but my mom ended up being sick. Fortunately, my schedule opened up on Friday so that I could stay home and make a cake from scratch. David had requested a chocolate cake, so I pulled out a pretty basic recipe for Devil's Food Cake. Not so tough... right? I used to bake often enough that it was, for lack of a better phrase, a piece of cake. But as I tried to put this cake together, nothing seemed to go right. I think I was more clumsy than anything else. I ended up spewing cocoa and flour all over as I started the mixer, breaking an egg on the edge of the counter and dropping it all over myself and the floor, and nearly (but not quite) overturning the whole bowl of ingredients before I mixed it up. Despite all of that, the cake turned out fine, but after what felt like a fiasco of making a cake, I went to the store for icing-in-a-can rather than try to mix up more ingredients for the frosting. It's funny how things that once seemed easy become very difficult if you don't practice them for... years. It's been a very long time since my kitchen and I have felt we really know each other. One of the casualties of single parenthood, I'm afraid.
So as I stood in the cake and frosting aisle at Wal-Mart, I reached for a "number" candle in the shape of the number 6 for David's cake and I was overcome with the realization that I would only get to use that candle one time. In the past, candles have been handed down from child to child as each approached a certain birthday. But not this one. This is our last 6-year-old birthday to celebrate in our family. I didn't cry, but felt a little sense of loss inside me as I realized I have no more babies, not even toddlers or "little" kids. They're all people now with identities, opinions, and needs that are far more complex than feeding and changing.
The seasons cycle and change, as do my children and I. But even with all the growth and change, there are familiar things that make us feel safe and secure. Familiar rhythms of the earth warming and greening, familiar traditions of birthdays and school projects and spending time together. And the familiar chirping of the chimney swallows, returning to my world because once again, it's SPRING.
I know by the calendar we haven't yet reached the Vernal Equinox or whatever signals the official start of this beautiful and much-awaited season, but since we were able to enjoy an early ushering-in of Daylight Savings time, it feels very Spring-like. The weather is warmer, and we're expecting a great big storm this evening, the kind that will likely spawn a few tornadoes, lots of wind and rain, and will make me happy to sit inside listening to the glorious sound of it all. I just love storms in the spring. Unlike storms in the fall, they usually bring a damp warmth to the earth that just beckons new growth. I can't wait to see the green, to feel myself coming alive along with the trees and grass and flowers. I think I was made for Spring. It's a time of year that awakens and inspires me to stretch and grow and become better than I was before. I feel motivated to WORK rather than to REST.
I hope this spring-inspired attitude is rubbing off on my children and my students. Perhaps their attitude is rubbing off on me. They've been pretty productive lately. Matthew has been relentless in his pursuit of MORE things to do. In addition to many music-related activities, he made a very compelling case for trying out for track at school. Sadly for him, it was just impossible to add daily practice and weekly track meets to our already full schedule of activities. He was devastated. He loves to take on things, and he also wants to spend more time with his friends than he usually does. He reminds me of me at his age. He'll be 14 next month, old enough for church dances, and is approaching his freshman year of high school next year, which means early morning Seminary. Yikes.
Lydia completed her Science Fair project last week comparing reactions of various acidic liquids with baking soda and baking powder. She had fun doing the experiments both at home and at the Science Fair. What amazes me the most about that girl is her ability to plan and be so organized in her work. She finished every step of the science fair process well in advance of deadlines, and with minimal input from me. As she put it, she doesn't like putting things off to cause her stress when they have to be done, so she gets them done early. Where did this child come from? She's certainly not following my procrastinating example. She's diligent in everything she does, from practicing her violin (without being asked) to cleaning her room (every day, and the pillows are arranged neatly on her made bed) to reading her scriptures (she wouldn't dare miss a day). On top of that, she's loving and cheerful and nearly perfectly obedient. If only she would stay just like she is now, age 10, and never approach teenagerhood.
We also had the Pinewood Derby the week before last for Michael. He did very well, but didn't place. He had made (with much help from Papa) his car to be shiny and silver, so he took home the award for "Shiniest Car". He was a great sport when taking his few losses, as well as his several wins. He's just a shiny, happy boy... when he's not whining. He loves Cub Scouts and received his Wolf badge at the Pinewood Derby. As his mother, I got pinned with the traditional mother's pin for scout advancements, but I have to admit that I did very little to help him. He was so motivated to complete all of his requirements, and simply didn't stop until he had finished. It makes a mom pretty proud to see her kids being driven by their own goals and desires.
Last week we also celebrated David's 6th birthday. Although his birthday was actually on Wednesday, we celebrated it on Friday with a party at home with our family and Craig and his kids. My parents were also supposed to come, but my mom ended up being sick. Fortunately, my schedule opened up on Friday so that I could stay home and make a cake from scratch. David had requested a chocolate cake, so I pulled out a pretty basic recipe for Devil's Food Cake. Not so tough... right? I used to bake often enough that it was, for lack of a better phrase, a piece of cake. But as I tried to put this cake together, nothing seemed to go right. I think I was more clumsy than anything else. I ended up spewing cocoa and flour all over as I started the mixer, breaking an egg on the edge of the counter and dropping it all over myself and the floor, and nearly (but not quite) overturning the whole bowl of ingredients before I mixed it up. Despite all of that, the cake turned out fine, but after what felt like a fiasco of making a cake, I went to the store for icing-in-a-can rather than try to mix up more ingredients for the frosting. It's funny how things that once seemed easy become very difficult if you don't practice them for... years. It's been a very long time since my kitchen and I have felt we really know each other. One of the casualties of single parenthood, I'm afraid.
So as I stood in the cake and frosting aisle at Wal-Mart, I reached for a "number" candle in the shape of the number 6 for David's cake and I was overcome with the realization that I would only get to use that candle one time. In the past, candles have been handed down from child to child as each approached a certain birthday. But not this one. This is our last 6-year-old birthday to celebrate in our family. I didn't cry, but felt a little sense of loss inside me as I realized I have no more babies, not even toddlers or "little" kids. They're all people now with identities, opinions, and needs that are far more complex than feeding and changing.
The seasons cycle and change, as do my children and I. But even with all the growth and change, there are familiar things that make us feel safe and secure. Familiar rhythms of the earth warming and greening, familiar traditions of birthdays and school projects and spending time together. And the familiar chirping of the chimney swallows, returning to my world because once again, it's SPRING.
Monday, February 23, 2009
Monday, Monday
I love Mondays. I figured out this year that students who came for lessons on Monday mornings are generally less prepared and focused than those who come at other times of the week. Most kids struggle to practice over the weekend, and coming for a lesson after two days of non-practice yields a mediocre lesson. So I don't schedule students on Monday mornings, which gives me a great morning for a killer workout, time to shower and dress and clean house (which isn't usually that much after the weekend) and run any other errands I need to do. It also frees me up to enjoy lunch, and today I get to have lunch with two of my favorite friends from high school... Karen and Travis. One thing I know for sure today... I'm going to be laughing a lot.
I will have a few lessons this afternoon -- just enough to ease into the week. And then tonight I have youth orchestra rehearsal. Most Monday evenings I love doing this. It's a great group of kids, generally willing to work hard, and generally having a good attitude about it. We have six rehearsals left before our concerts, and I feel good about the progress they have made. I still have moments, though, when I wonder what on earth is so inherently difficult about counting while playing.... This picture was taken at one of our very first rehearsals held in the living room of my parents' guest house, before we found a permanent rehearsal place and home at the Joplin Performing Arts Center.
I also found out this morning that I have been invited to teach at a summer music festival down in Arkansas. That's so exciting for me. For all the routine, weekly teaching I do week-in-week-out, this will be really fun to see some new students and find out what I can do inside of one week to really impact their playing. I think my goal with each student I teach will be to give them one new idea, and to give them a great time. My summer music experiences as a kid were the things that gave me that shot in the arm to not only keep me going, but give me a fresh vision for myself. I don't think kids can get too much of that kind of thing. Kids need challenge, variety, someone who says, "Here, try this really hard, really cool thing that you might think you can't do... but you can." I'm hoping to be able to afford to take Lydia to the Suzuki Institute in Ottawa this summer. She's studying Suzuki violin with a former/current student of mine (who is really wonderful), and works so diligently that I know Institute would completely inspire her. Who knows, maybe I'll even try to take Michael with me.
Ok, I'm off to start/continue my day. Mondays are great. Now Tuesdays... ugh. ;)
I will have a few lessons this afternoon -- just enough to ease into the week. And then tonight I have youth orchestra rehearsal. Most Monday evenings I love doing this. It's a great group of kids, generally willing to work hard, and generally having a good attitude about it. We have six rehearsals left before our concerts, and I feel good about the progress they have made. I still have moments, though, when I wonder what on earth is so inherently difficult about counting while playing.... This picture was taken at one of our very first rehearsals held in the living room of my parents' guest house, before we found a permanent rehearsal place and home at the Joplin Performing Arts Center.
I also found out this morning that I have been invited to teach at a summer music festival down in Arkansas. That's so exciting for me. For all the routine, weekly teaching I do week-in-week-out, this will be really fun to see some new students and find out what I can do inside of one week to really impact their playing. I think my goal with each student I teach will be to give them one new idea, and to give them a great time. My summer music experiences as a kid were the things that gave me that shot in the arm to not only keep me going, but give me a fresh vision for myself. I don't think kids can get too much of that kind of thing. Kids need challenge, variety, someone who says, "Here, try this really hard, really cool thing that you might think you can't do... but you can." I'm hoping to be able to afford to take Lydia to the Suzuki Institute in Ottawa this summer. She's studying Suzuki violin with a former/current student of mine (who is really wonderful), and works so diligently that I know Institute would completely inspire her. Who knows, maybe I'll even try to take Michael with me.
Ok, I'm off to start/continue my day. Mondays are great. Now Tuesdays... ugh. ;)
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Rocking Mozart... or the Attempt Thereof
On Sunday, Feb. 15th I accomplished one of my life goals... one of my "bucket list" items, if you will. I played a full concerto with an orchestra as the featured soloist in a concert with the Ozark Festival Orchestra, in Monett, MO. The concerto was one I've known for years, since I was a kid, really, but desired to bring it to a new level. I anticipated this concert for about a year and a half, planning at first for a different concerto, but ultimately deciding on the Mozart Concerto No. 5 in A Major. I love Mozart, and I love this concerto, so it was a joy to prepare. It's a brilliant, elegant, joyful, dramatic work. I had so much fun. Here's a picture of little Genevieve, my young student who came to the concert and brought me this pretty rose.
Now that I've done it, I hope to have many more opportunities to perform, although I know that orchestral soloing doesn't often come to single-mom-of-4/violin-teachers. I may have to work at promoting myself a little better to get the chance to do it again.
However, I walked through that door to find another door open today. I got a call from a girl who is planning her senior piano recital at the local university. She was looking for a violinist to play with her on a couple of piano trios and the violin professor at the university had referred her to me. She brought the music over today, and it's Piazzolla! A little edgy, exciting, emotive... I can hardly wait! It should be fun, and is yet another performing opportunity for me. I just want to keep stretching and growing in my own playing as I work to help my kids stretch and grow.
Now that I've done it, I hope to have many more opportunities to perform, although I know that orchestral soloing doesn't often come to single-mom-of-4/violin-teachers. I may have to work at promoting myself a little better to get the chance to do it again.
However, I walked through that door to find another door open today. I got a call from a girl who is planning her senior piano recital at the local university. She was looking for a violinist to play with her on a couple of piano trios and the violin professor at the university had referred her to me. She brought the music over today, and it's Piazzolla! A little edgy, exciting, emotive... I can hardly wait! It should be fun, and is yet another performing opportunity for me. I just want to keep stretching and growing in my own playing as I work to help my kids stretch and grow.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Lyd's Glasses
Lydia got her glasses today! She was so excited. It's been so fun to listen to her see the world for the first time in who-knows-how-long. She could read every sign, noticed every detail. And she looks dang cute doing it.
Sunday, February 8, 2009
A Week of Music and Valentines
This is going to be an out-of-the-ordinary week for me. I'm starting it off in Fort Smith, Arkansas, where I play with the Fort Smith Symphony. Playing with the Symphony is not really unusual, it's the fact that this concert is actually a concert series that we play during the week called Earquake. Hundreds of 5th and 6th grade students are going to be bussed in to see the Symphony over the next two 
days, first in Fort Smith, then in Bentonville on Tuesday. There will be four concerts all together. The music is fun... exciting to listen to, as well as to play. Big blockbuster orchestra pieces are featured, such as John Williams March from Raiders of the Lost Ark, as well as the William Tell Overture (aka the Lone Ranger Theme). One unusual piece on this concert is a piece by a featured composer entitled Vox Humana. It includes out-of-the-ordinary musical and non-musical elements, and finishes with a 3-minute segment with a taped recording of cat, lion, and tiger sounds, as well as instructions to the orchestra for some people to stop playing and start talking on their cell phones while wandering around the stage. Meanwhile, the lights are dimmed, and neon light sticks are passed around the audience and onstage. The whole effect is eerie, unsettling, and completely bewildering for most of the members of the orchestra. But it is fun.
After all the Earquake excitement is over on Tuesday, I'll then travel to Monett, Missouri to rehearse the Mozart Concerto in A Major with the Ozark Festival Orchestra for a concert to be held next Sunday, February 15. I am the featured soloist on the program. This is a big deal for me. Even though the orchestra is small in size, and mostly amateur in playing ability, this is the first time I will have played a concerto accompanied by orchestra. I have wanted to do something like this for many years, but have never had the opportunity until now. It makes me very nervous, and since I have a propensity for stage fright, I am anxious about my ability to handle the effects of performance anxiety that I have struggled with when performing for as long as I can remember. I think the rehearsal Tuesday night will help me shake off the biggest bunch of the nerves (I hope), and then another dress rehearsal on Saturday should help me feel at ease. If all else fails, I have some medicine I was able to get to help with my heart palpitations and shaky hands. I have performed while using it a few times, and I feel confident it will help me handle the surge of adrenaline that always seems to come when I perform as a soloist.
I am taking the entire week off to prepare, even though I have been practicing and preparing for this for many months. I hope I will be able to focus, make good use of my time, and perform with confidence and poise. I bought a beautiful formal dress... a floor-length black skirt and a wine-colored satin-like blouse that will be elegant and appropriate for a concert held the day after Valentine's Day. I am getting my hair done on Wednesday, and hope to put my best face forward for a beautiful rendition of one of my favorite Mozart concertos.
And in the middle of all this comes Valentine's Day. I have not often looked forward to Valentine's Day. Last year was dreadful, having just gone through a painful break-up. The one before that is not even memorable. I know I was married, but I'm guessing perhaps Chad was out of town, because I have no memory at all of our only Valentine's Day together. The year before that I believe I was in Utah, or about to be in Utah. Valentine's Day three years ago came just a few days before my divorce from Danny was final. Needless to say, it was probably the worst Valentine's Day I could have imagined. I don't remember a lot of other V-Days during my first marriage. I know there were cards, because Danny always remembered cards, and there were probably chocolates most of the time. The only gift I vividly remembering receiving was my first Valentine's Day with him. He gave me a marble rolling pin. To this day it makes me laugh, as well as wonder what possessed him to give a gift like that to his wife on our first Valentine's Day together. Over the years many suggestions have been made as to what I should have done with that rolling pin when I received it. HA!
This year, I have a sweetheart. We are both looking forward to celebrating the holiday together, and to thoroughly enjoying the fact that we have each other. Craig is a very good man. I am impressed by his love for family and home, as well as his steadfastness in the gospel and his righteous desires. I'm very happy that he is sharing this time of his life with me, and look forward to more time with him. So, I know it's a bit early, but I think this year I'll enjoy a whole week of Valentine's Day feelings and fun... Happy Valentine's Day!
days, first in Fort Smith, then in Bentonville on Tuesday. There will be four concerts all together. The music is fun... exciting to listen to, as well as to play. Big blockbuster orchestra pieces are featured, such as John Williams March from Raiders of the Lost Ark, as well as the William Tell Overture (aka the Lone Ranger Theme). One unusual piece on this concert is a piece by a featured composer entitled Vox Humana. It includes out-of-the-ordinary musical and non-musical elements, and finishes with a 3-minute segment with a taped recording of cat, lion, and tiger sounds, as well as instructions to the orchestra for some people to stop playing and start talking on their cell phones while wandering around the stage. Meanwhile, the lights are dimmed, and neon light sticks are passed around the audience and onstage. The whole effect is eerie, unsettling, and completely bewildering for most of the members of the orchestra. But it is fun.After all the Earquake excitement is over on Tuesday, I'll then travel to Monett, Missouri to rehearse the Mozart Concerto in A Major with the Ozark Festival Orchestra for a concert to be held next Sunday, February 15. I am the featured soloist on the program. This is a big deal for me. Even though the orchestra is small in size, and mostly amateur in playing ability, this is the first time I will have played a concerto accompanied by orchestra. I have wanted to do something like this for many years, but have never had the opportunity until now. It makes me very nervous, and since I have a propensity for stage fright, I am anxious about my ability to handle the effects of performance anxiety that I have struggled with when performing for as long as I can remember. I think the rehearsal Tuesday night will help me shake off the biggest bunch of the nerves (I hope), and then another dress rehearsal on Saturday should help me feel at ease. If all else fails, I have some medicine I was able to get to help with my heart palpitations and shaky hands. I have performed while using it a few times, and I feel confident it will help me handle the surge of adrenaline that always seems to come when I perform as a soloist.
I am taking the entire week off to prepare, even though I have been practicing and preparing for this for many months. I hope I will be able to focus, make good use of my time, and perform with confidence and poise. I bought a beautiful formal dress... a floor-length black skirt and a wine-colored satin-like blouse that will be elegant and appropriate for a concert held the day after Valentine's Day. I am getting my hair done on Wednesday, and hope to put my best face forward for a beautiful rendition of one of my favorite Mozart concertos.
And in the middle of all this comes Valentine's Day. I have not often looked forward to Valentine's Day. Last year was dreadful, having just gone through a painful break-up. The one before that is not even memorable. I know I was married, but I'm guessing perhaps Chad was out of town, because I have no memory at all of our only Valentine's Day together. The year before that I believe I was in Utah, or about to be in Utah. Valentine's Day three years ago came just a few days before my divorce from Danny was final. Needless to say, it was probably the worst Valentine's Day I could have imagined. I don't remember a lot of other V-Days during my first marriage. I know there were cards, because Danny always remembered cards, and there were probably chocolates most of the time. The only gift I vividly remembering receiving was my first Valentine's Day with him. He gave me a marble rolling pin. To this day it makes me laugh, as well as wonder what possessed him to give a gift like that to his wife on our first Valentine's Day together. Over the years many suggestions have been made as to what I should have done with that rolling pin when I received it. HA!
This year, I have a sweetheart. We are both looking forward to celebrating the holiday together, and to thoroughly enjoying the fact that we have each other. Craig is a very good man. I am impressed by his love for family and home, as well as his steadfastness in the gospel and his righteous desires. I'm very happy that he is sharing this time of his life with me, and look forward to more time with him. So, I know it's a bit early, but I think this year I'll enjoy a whole week of Valentine's Day feelings and fun... Happy Valentine's Day!
Friday, February 6, 2009
Fun on Friday
Oh, I'm so happy it's Friday! Today has been pretty busy... makeup lessons and such... but usually I take Fridays off, have a long, leisurely yet intense workout, enjoy my morning, and take myself out for a quiet lunch at one of my favorite places. Most Fridays it's Panera Bread, where my favorite lunch is a cup of French Onion soup and a Fuji Apple Chicken Salad. It's just heaven. I love having a bit of alone time at the end of my week, which is usually a constant barrage of people... students, kids, church, orchestra. I love them all, but being able to recharge myself is so wonderful.
Sometimes people ask me what I do for fun. In most of my life there's not room for your typical "fun". I don't have time to relax in front of the tv, I don't go to movies, and rarely go out with friends. If I'm not teaching, I'm probably playing my violin, either practicing or performing, and beyond that, there's a life of kids, church, a home to care for, and all the dirty details of life that everyone has. It seems that fun has to be scheduled... and usually gets scheduled in pencil.
I do have fun sometimes, even to excess every once in a while. My most indulgent passion is skiing, and if I had unlimited funds, time, and access, I'd ski all winter long, every chance I'd get. I'm extremely sad that this winter will afford me none of those things. It is one of the most wonderful feelings in the world to ride a lift to the top of a mountain and to look back over your shoulder at the valley below. It's simply one of the most beautiful sights in the world, and then you get to ski down that gorgeous mountain, through the trees, over the slopes, across the runs on a snowy carpet.
My Fridays usually end with my kids. I'm watching their violin lessons right now. No, I don't teach my own kids, they have a great teacher who is NOT me. It's not that I'm not a great teacher, it's the fact that being teacher and mom at the same time does NOT work for us. We've tried. This is better. This is fun, watching someone else be the teacher, being patient and encouraging to my offspring. Lydia is so conscientious about her practicing and lessons. She can always be counted on to be prepared. David's practice is hit and miss. He needs a practice partner, and we're all so busy that we're just happy on the days he's in a good enough mood for a lesson. Michael practices sometimes, makes slow and steady progress, and he can be counted on to fall asleep under my chair during the other kids' lessons. In fact, that's where he is right now, enjoying a good, loud snooze. This is a happy place for me, because I can relax completely, spending some quality time with the coolest kids in the world.
Tonight we'll have pizza and a movie at home, and we'll be joined by Craig and his girls. Craig and I are dating. Someday when I feel like writing something funny and sad at the same time, I'll write about being divorced, single, and dating at age 34. It's been quite a journey over the last few years. I'm very happy where I am right now. It's not something I recommend to anyone, but I have sure learned a lot. I've learned to appreciate little things, and to not take for granted any single pleasant moment with my kids. I've learned that I don't have to be afraid of being alone, even if it's for a long time. I've also learned that I'd much rather have someone in my life than not. I've learned that I have some true friends, and they came from places I wouldn't have expected. I've learned that I'm beautiful, wonderful, funny, loving, loyal, and even exciting. I've learned that I'm worth it, whatever "it" is. I've learned that there's happiness to be had around every corner, if I am looking for it. And amazingly, I've even learned how to have fun.
Sometimes people ask me what I do for fun. In most of my life there's not room for your typical "fun". I don't have time to relax in front of the tv, I don't go to movies, and rarely go out with friends. If I'm not teaching, I'm probably playing my violin, either practicing or performing, and beyond that, there's a life of kids, church, a home to care for, and all the dirty details of life that everyone has. It seems that fun has to be scheduled... and usually gets scheduled in pencil.
I do have fun sometimes, even to excess every once in a while. My most indulgent passion is skiing, and if I had unlimited funds, time, and access, I'd ski all winter long, every chance I'd get. I'm extremely sad that this winter will afford me none of those things. It is one of the most wonderful feelings in the world to ride a lift to the top of a mountain and to look back over your shoulder at the valley below. It's simply one of the most beautiful sights in the world, and then you get to ski down that gorgeous mountain, through the trees, over the slopes, across the runs on a snowy carpet.
My Fridays usually end with my kids. I'm watching their violin lessons right now. No, I don't teach my own kids, they have a great teacher who is NOT me. It's not that I'm not a great teacher, it's the fact that being teacher and mom at the same time does NOT work for us. We've tried. This is better. This is fun, watching someone else be the teacher, being patient and encouraging to my offspring. Lydia is so conscientious about her practicing and lessons. She can always be counted on to be prepared. David's practice is hit and miss. He needs a practice partner, and we're all so busy that we're just happy on the days he's in a good enough mood for a lesson. Michael practices sometimes, makes slow and steady progress, and he can be counted on to fall asleep under my chair during the other kids' lessons. In fact, that's where he is right now, enjoying a good, loud snooze. This is a happy place for me, because I can relax completely, spending some quality time with the coolest kids in the world.
Tonight we'll have pizza and a movie at home, and we'll be joined by Craig and his girls. Craig and I are dating. Someday when I feel like writing something funny and sad at the same time, I'll write about being divorced, single, and dating at age 34. It's been quite a journey over the last few years. I'm very happy where I am right now. It's not something I recommend to anyone, but I have sure learned a lot. I've learned to appreciate little things, and to not take for granted any single pleasant moment with my kids. I've learned that I don't have to be afraid of being alone, even if it's for a long time. I've also learned that I'd much rather have someone in my life than not. I've learned that I have some true friends, and they came from places I wouldn't have expected. I've learned that I'm beautiful, wonderful, funny, loving, loyal, and even exciting. I've learned that I'm worth it, whatever "it" is. I've learned that there's happiness to be had around every corner, if I am looking for it. And amazingly, I've even learned how to have fun.
Thursday, February 5, 2009
It's Torture Day!
Every Thursday over 30 students and their parents and siblings come to my home in the afternoon for group violin classes arranged by playing level. The first week of each month focuses on technique through targeted and rigorous drills and exercises. What I call Technique Day has become known as "Torture Day" in the studio. Ok, I was the one who decided to call it "Torture Day", in order to bring fun and laughter to a day that really requires focus, endurance, and effort from the kids. This sign hangs in my studio:
One of my students gave me the sign as a gift around Halloween to hang up on "Torture Day", but the sign has become a permanent fixture in the studio. I often forget it's there until a new visitor comes to the house and comments on the true nature of what goes on in that room.
So today was Torture Day. The weather was beautiful, and after noticing how squirmy my first group of pre-Twinklers and Twinkle students turned out to be, I started the second group of students by marching them onto my front lawn, along with all parents and siblings in attendance to teach them the "Lightly Row" dance. I'm certain that marching, bending, and bowing while standing in a huge circle in my yard qualified as torture for most of them. The rest of the classes endured my idea of
fun, singing and playing things that they'd just as soon leave long forgotten.
I love the whole concept of Torture Day, that through repetitious, focused, sometimes difficult actions, technical mastery can be achieved. In other words, there is purpose in PAIN... muahahaha (insert evil laugh and hand rubbing here). Don't I look diabolical?
Yesterday I went to my gym early in the morning to work out. It was a great morning for me. I met with my trainer, who took measurements for me. It was a good day for measurements, evidently, as my thighs were a full inch smaller than the measurements she took just 2 weeks ago, and as she said, my thighs were officially smaller than her own. That just made my day. Then she proceeded to torture me with a weight-training regimen that made me literally weak in the knees, followed by almost an hour of cardio training. Through repetitious, focused, and often difficult actions, I'm hoping to achieve physical mastery of my body. If only I wasn't so tortured by the temptation of chocolate.
Finally, a random note about something that made me laugh so hard I just have to write it down. I was teaching a violin lesson to Emma, age 7, today and we were working on a small part of a new song where one finger makes a diagonal movement across the strings. I was showing and explaining the movement, but Emma's face was not registering understanding of what I was saying. The conversation went like this....
I just laughed my head off. Her mom confirmed that she had learned the meaning of oblique angles (they homeschool, and are a very bright family), so Emma understood and proceeded to move her finger in the correct direction. I love my kids... my students... they constantly amaze me.
One of my students gave me the sign as a gift around Halloween to hang up on "Torture Day", but the sign has become a permanent fixture in the studio. I often forget it's there until a new visitor comes to the house and comments on the true nature of what goes on in that room.
So today was Torture Day. The weather was beautiful, and after noticing how squirmy my first group of pre-Twinklers and Twinkle students turned out to be, I started the second group of students by marching them onto my front lawn, along with all parents and siblings in attendance to teach them the "Lightly Row" dance. I'm certain that marching, bending, and bowing while standing in a huge circle in my yard qualified as torture for most of them. The rest of the classes endured my idea of
fun, singing and playing things that they'd just as soon leave long forgotten.I love the whole concept of Torture Day, that through repetitious, focused, sometimes difficult actions, technical mastery can be achieved. In other words, there is purpose in PAIN... muahahaha (insert evil laugh and hand rubbing here). Don't I look diabolical?
Yesterday I went to my gym early in the morning to work out. It was a great morning for me. I met with my trainer, who took measurements for me. It was a good day for measurements, evidently, as my thighs were a full inch smaller than the measurements she took just 2 weeks ago, and as she said, my thighs were officially smaller than her own. That just made my day. Then she proceeded to torture me with a weight-training regimen that made me literally weak in the knees, followed by almost an hour of cardio training. Through repetitious, focused, and often difficult actions, I'm hoping to achieve physical mastery of my body. If only I wasn't so tortured by the temptation of chocolate.
Finally, a random note about something that made me laugh so hard I just have to write it down. I was teaching a violin lesson to Emma, age 7, today and we were working on a small part of a new song where one finger makes a diagonal movement across the strings. I was showing and explaining the movement, but Emma's face was not registering understanding of what I was saying. The conversation went like this....
Me: Emma, do you know what diagonal means?
Emma: No.
Me: It's when the finger moves like this (showing the movement), not straight across or up and down.
Emma: Oh, you mean it's OBLIQUE?
I just laughed my head off. Her mom confirmed that she had learned the meaning of oblique angles (they homeschool, and are a very bright family), so Emma understood and proceeded to move her finger in the correct direction. I love my kids... my students... they constantly amaze me.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
For Musicians Only
I figured it was time to write about that part of my life that to some is magical and mysterious, to others is boring and dry, and to a few others is not only a way of life, but a part of their being and consciousness inseparable from their identity. That part of my life is... you guessed it... being a musician.
If you're bored by the first paragraph, you can stop reading. I have learned in my life that the way I talk about music can inspire those who care enough to listen, while simultaneously causing the non-musician's eyes to glaze over as drool seeps from the corner of their mouth. It's my passion, my career, my hobby, and I can't imagine my life without it. It defines me, it teaches me, it elevates me. Through music I have learned many of life's great lessons, and ironically, most of them are not about music. The reason I'm writing about this today is because this matters immensely to me, and if this blog serves as some record for posterity or otherwise, the reader will know me a little better.
A few weeks ago I was driving to rehearsal for the youth orchestra while listening to the radio. The announcer was talking about a classical pianist named Arturo Michelangeli and quoted him before playing one of his pieces. The quote grabbed my attention and I asked my son to write it down, I quickly committed it to memory so I could tell him the words to write. This was the quote:
Pretty deep, huh? Yeah, I thought so, too.
Here are some of the ways I apply this philosophy on a daily basis...
I'm done philosophizing. I'll go back to more trivial things tomorrow. Or is anything REALLY trivial? Hmmmm... ;)
If you're bored by the first paragraph, you can stop reading. I have learned in my life that the way I talk about music can inspire those who care enough to listen, while simultaneously causing the non-musician's eyes to glaze over as drool seeps from the corner of their mouth. It's my passion, my career, my hobby, and I can't imagine my life without it. It defines me, it teaches me, it elevates me. Through music I have learned many of life's great lessons, and ironically, most of them are not about music. The reason I'm writing about this today is because this matters immensely to me, and if this blog serves as some record for posterity or otherwise, the reader will know me a little better.
A few weeks ago I was driving to rehearsal for the youth orchestra while listening to the radio. The announcer was talking about a classical pianist named Arturo Michelangeli and quoted him before playing one of his pieces. The quote grabbed my attention and I asked my son to write it down, I quickly committed it to memory so I could tell him the words to write. This was the quote:
"Being a pianist and a musician is not a career but a philosophy and a conception of life not based in good intentions or natural talent but first and foremost a spirit of sacrifice."That was it. The reason I am passionate about music, about teaching, about this force that drives me. I have sacrificed to reach a level of expression, to be able to use an instrument to communicate what's inside me. It couldn't happen in a week, a year, or even a few years... it took my whole life of continual effort to develop this "conception of life".
Pretty deep, huh? Yeah, I thought so, too.
Here are some of the ways I apply this philosophy on a daily basis...
- I get down on the floor to trace around little feet so they can always go to the same place.
- I greet each student the same way for every lesson.
- I patiently and persistently make corrections in bow hold... again and again and again.
- I always ask about practicing habits, and continually ask students to report on their work.
- I assign chores to my children, and ask that they always be done before play.
- I say prayers with my children morning and night, without fail.
- I fold my towels the same way every time.
- I exercise every morning after putting my kids on the bus.
- I notice little improvements in every student, in every lesson, and let them know their work is acceptable.
- I smile at the parents who trust their children to me, and always let them know they are appreciated.
- I listen to "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star" for the 365,784th time and truly enjoy it, knowing it is part of a wonderful journey for this individual child.
I'm done philosophizing. I'll go back to more trivial things tomorrow. Or is anything REALLY trivial? Hmmmm... ;)
Monday, February 2, 2009
Just a Bit Nearsighted
Mondays are always busy, even though I schedule in a few hours with no lessons. The time slips by, and often all I actually manage to get into those hours is getting showered, dressed, and ready for the rest of the day. There is the occasional Monday where I'm a bit more organized and productive, and I would say today qualifies as one of those days. I scheduled an eye exam for Lydia to get glasses... her first pair. She's at the age I was when I got glasses, and there's been an obvious need. I picked her up at school, took her to the eye doctor, and what we already knew to be true was confirmed. She is nearsighted. Quite. She tried on several cute pairs of glasses before settling on a rectangular-ish set of brown frames. I meant to take a picture of her in them for my blog, but we forgot, so now I'll have to wait til they actually come in, some 7-10 days from now. She's very excited, and it'll be so nice for her to be able to see the world.
I remember getting glasses when I was her age. All of a sudden, my world had detail and clarity. The trees had leaves, the blades of grass were visible, and I could see everything. The memory of putting those glasses on and driving home that day left an impression that I still remember.
I've thought about memories a lot lately. Memories from my childhood are random, and it's difficult for me to remember experiences with vivid detail. Yesterday I received a friend invitation on Facebook from the guy I took to my Senior Prom. I accepted, and within minutes we were chatting and reminiscing. He could remember how I asked him, apparently it was a creative invitation to Prom (he was from another school), but I had absolutely no memory of what I did. I've also reconnected with other people from High School recently and realized that I remember THEM, and the fact that they were part of my life, but I only have flashes of memory of the things we DID. Why can't I remember more?
So I told Randall (my prom date)... My best guess is that I had so much on my plate at that time of my life that creating long-term memory of those experiences was too much for my brain to handle. In a way, my mind was experiencing nearsightedness, not being able to see things very far off. To this day, I think I live near-sightedly. I don't hold on to my past very long, and I don't even bother thinking far into the future. I live very much in the moment, I do my best to savor it while I have it, because one day I probably won't remember it.
So what can I remember? Here's a short list of some of my most indelible memories, the ones that have withstood my nearsighted mind.
I remember getting glasses when I was her age. All of a sudden, my world had detail and clarity. The trees had leaves, the blades of grass were visible, and I could see everything. The memory of putting those glasses on and driving home that day left an impression that I still remember.
I've thought about memories a lot lately. Memories from my childhood are random, and it's difficult for me to remember experiences with vivid detail. Yesterday I received a friend invitation on Facebook from the guy I took to my Senior Prom. I accepted, and within minutes we were chatting and reminiscing. He could remember how I asked him, apparently it was a creative invitation to Prom (he was from another school), but I had absolutely no memory of what I did. I've also reconnected with other people from High School recently and realized that I remember THEM, and the fact that they were part of my life, but I only have flashes of memory of the things we DID. Why can't I remember more?
So I told Randall (my prom date)... My best guess is that I had so much on my plate at that time of my life that creating long-term memory of those experiences was too much for my brain to handle. In a way, my mind was experiencing nearsightedness, not being able to see things very far off. To this day, I think I live near-sightedly. I don't hold on to my past very long, and I don't even bother thinking far into the future. I live very much in the moment, I do my best to savor it while I have it, because one day I probably won't remember it.
So what can I remember? Here's a short list of some of my most indelible memories, the ones that have withstood my nearsighted mind.
- Going to the hospital to see my new sister Cathy
- Running down our long lane when I was late for the bus, with everybody on the bus watching and waiting
- Getting my first pair of glasses
- Getting contacts, and taking an hour to get them in or out
- My first kiss - It was short, but seriously, does anyone forget that?
- My second kiss - much longer than the first one
- Getting my heart broken, more times than I can count... but I can remember every time
- The birth of my babies - the most memorable of my life's experiences, a memory that has faded, but I cling to as the defining moments of my life
- The conversation where I learned my marriage was ending
- Musical memories - performing, listening, sharing - and these are memories that just pile on top of each other, too many to list, and they truly never seem to fade.
Friday, January 30, 2009
Dog Found, Organized Chaos Reigns Supreme
Ainsley is home, safe and sound. She didn't make it far before someone took her in for the night on Wednesday and delivered her to the Humane Society on Thursday just moments before I went down there to look for her. She was so happy to see me, and I don't blame her. So how did she thank me? By leaving lovely little doggy doodles (crap) in my studio this morning. Why do I have a dog? Oh yeah, because she brings such joy to my life and when she disappears, I feel like I've lost a child (almost). I just remind myself of that as I spray Resolve on the carpet and scrub away.
So today caps off the ultimate week of snow/ice storms, canceled school, lost doggies, stomach flu, and cleaning up vomit, cleaning up vomit, cleaning up dog poo, and cleaning up vomit. It's no wonder that everyone overslept this morning, so I dropped off my kiddies instead of making them rush for the bus, while helping Lydia study some last minute spelling words for the spelling bee today. Then I rushed to the gym for a hurried workout, ran home to shower and dress, then rushed over to the school for the spelling bee. Second round, Lydia was out on the word "tongue" (she spelled it "toungue"), and she was pretty devastated. We studied together, but she really did put some pressure on herself to perform. More than I had expected, considering her laid-back personality. I watched her sit among the audience, sobbing quietly, and my heart just broke for her. After it was all over, I could only do so much to console her. My mommy's heart has a hard time with moments like this. One side of me thought the words the other kids got were all much easier... what bad luck to get "tongue". Then the other side of me wanted her to bounce back, congratulate the winner, take her lumps, and realize that 10 other kids were in her shoes as well. All I could do was hug her and tell her I was as proud of her as I could possibly be, that it wouldn't matter if she won or went out on the first word. Here she is with the other kids who competed. Her friend Fareth was the winner, and won on the word "constitutional". Lydia is in the turquoise, 2nd from the left on the front, and Fareth is 2nd from the right, with the headband.
Today I head out of town for Fort Smith, AR, where I play with the Fort Smith Symphony. It's my very favorite music gig I've ever had. It's also my guaranteed "me" time, cause I leave for the weekend, my kids go stay with Nana and Papa, and I just enjoy being a musician, I get to hang out with friends, stay out late, sleep in, and do what I love... and get paid.
In the meantime, the rest of my day includes cleaning house, packing, getting ready for the delivery of my NEW high-efficiency washer and dryer (Christmas present from my mom and dad, it's finally HERE!), looking over my music one last time, running to the bank, gassing up my car, and whatever else I can squeeze in. There's always more to do than there is time to do it, but it somehow all gets done if it's really important. Hence the reason I feel my life is Organized Chaos. My schedule runs like a clock, but there's always something random occurring (see the 2nd paragraph above). I wouldn't have it any other way. It suits me.
So today caps off the ultimate week of snow/ice storms, canceled school, lost doggies, stomach flu, and cleaning up vomit, cleaning up vomit, cleaning up dog poo, and cleaning up vomit. It's no wonder that everyone overslept this morning, so I dropped off my kiddies instead of making them rush for the bus, while helping Lydia study some last minute spelling words for the spelling bee today. Then I rushed to the gym for a hurried workout, ran home to shower and dress, then rushed over to the school for the spelling bee. Second round, Lydia was out on the word "tongue" (she spelled it "toungue"), and she was pretty devastated. We studied together, but she really did put some pressure on herself to perform. More than I had expected, considering her laid-back personality. I watched her sit among the audience, sobbing quietly, and my heart just broke for her. After it was all over, I could only do so much to console her. My mommy's heart has a hard time with moments like this. One side of me thought the words the other kids got were all much easier... what bad luck to get "tongue". Then the other side of me wanted her to bounce back, congratulate the winner, take her lumps, and realize that 10 other kids were in her shoes as well. All I could do was hug her and tell her I was as proud of her as I could possibly be, that it wouldn't matter if she won or went out on the first word. Here she is with the other kids who competed. Her friend Fareth was the winner, and won on the word "constitutional". Lydia is in the turquoise, 2nd from the left on the front, and Fareth is 2nd from the right, with the headband.
Today I head out of town for Fort Smith, AR, where I play with the Fort Smith Symphony. It's my very favorite music gig I've ever had. It's also my guaranteed "me" time, cause I leave for the weekend, my kids go stay with Nana and Papa, and I just enjoy being a musician, I get to hang out with friends, stay out late, sleep in, and do what I love... and get paid.
In the meantime, the rest of my day includes cleaning house, packing, getting ready for the delivery of my NEW high-efficiency washer and dryer (Christmas present from my mom and dad, it's finally HERE!), looking over my music one last time, running to the bank, gassing up my car, and whatever else I can squeeze in. There's always more to do than there is time to do it, but it somehow all gets done if it's really important. Hence the reason I feel my life is Organized Chaos. My schedule runs like a clock, but there's always something random occurring (see the 2nd paragraph above). I wouldn't have it any other way. It suits me.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
We've lost our dog.
I took a late trip tonight to the the gym and the grocery store and came home to discover that our dog, Ainsley, is missing. It looks like someone left the back gate open today while playing out in the snow, and she took the opportunity to explore. With the snow and the cold weather, I expect someone found her and took her into their home or garage. It has happened before, but Ainsley lost her tag a few months ago and I have neglected to replace it. If she was just out and about, she'd likely find her way home, but I drove all over the neighborhood tonight calling her name and I didn't hear one single dog barking... anywhere. It's just too cold for a dog to be out, so she's probably found a warm place. I hope. She's a good dog. I'm going to say a prayer... again.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
I'm finally writing a blog.
I'm rarely the first to do something, but I loathe being the last. So I'm finally blogging. If you have a blog, send it to me, because I need to know what blogs are supposed to be. Is it like a diary or like a news article? I expect this will be just a collection of random thoughts that someday might take on an organized form.
Today is a snow day. The kids are home from school, and we've cancelled everything that resembles normal life around here. Among all the out-of-character-for-a-Tuesday activities that are happening here are sleeping in, breakfast for lunch, video games, and baking cookies. And it's all guilt-free, because when moments like this occur, you take them and run, without worrying about all the work you'll have to do later to make up for time spent doing "nothing".
A little about me and my life. I'm a single mom to 4 fabulous kids. Matthew, age 13; Lydia, age 10; Michael, age 8; and David, age 5. They're smart, funny, cute, and from time to time exhibit wisdom, but most of the time act like normal kids. They fight each other, but they're fiercely loyal beneath the contention.
I'm 34. I feel like I'm about 34. I like being 34, cause I don't get treated like a kid, but I can still get away with doing fun things. Last year I enjoyed skiing, surfing, camping, hiking, and I am happier and physically stronger than I have been at any point in my life so far. There are days, though, that I start to feel my age, especially when I've worked out beyond my body's tolerance the day before, or when I notice the grey hairs in the mirror. Today I'm not going to write about music, because I expect the majority of my blogs to be music-related. Just know for now, it's my life.
So... my first blog. And hopefully not my last.
Today is a snow day. The kids are home from school, and we've cancelled everything that resembles normal life around here. Among all the out-of-character-for-a-Tuesday activities that are happening here are sleeping in, breakfast for lunch, video games, and baking cookies. And it's all guilt-free, because when moments like this occur, you take them and run, without worrying about all the work you'll have to do later to make up for time spent doing "nothing".
A little about me and my life. I'm a single mom to 4 fabulous kids. Matthew, age 13; Lydia, age 10; Michael, age 8; and David, age 5. They're smart, funny, cute, and from time to time exhibit wisdom, but most of the time act like normal kids. They fight each other, but they're fiercely loyal beneath the contention.
I'm 34. I feel like I'm about 34. I like being 34, cause I don't get treated like a kid, but I can still get away with doing fun things. Last year I enjoyed skiing, surfing, camping, hiking, and I am happier and physically stronger than I have been at any point in my life so far. There are days, though, that I start to feel my age, especially when I've worked out beyond my body's tolerance the day before, or when I notice the grey hairs in the mirror. Today I'm not going to write about music, because I expect the majority of my blogs to be music-related. Just know for now, it's my life.
So... my first blog. And hopefully not my last.
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